I Can't Think of a Title

Real loss is only possible when you love something more than you love yourself.

~ Robin Williams in Goodwill Hunting

Some days I just want to lose. Don't get me wrong I mess up quite a bit but there are those moments, you know, the ones where you wish there were tears. You pray that your heart will actually beat out of your chest. I'm not trying to be dramatic, quite the opposite actually. I'm talking about reaching down and grabbing hold of that pain. Because it seems like I really need to cry before I'll ever be able to have that laugh... the liberating gut wrenching kind of laugh where colors are brighter and music is pure. Why do I feel this way? Am I just a spoiled grown up kid? I don't want to succeed to make someone happy or fulfill a five year plan. I want to live.

I want to experience selfless love.

I want to give selfless love.

I want to be a blessing.

I want to have meaning.

I want to accomplish something.

I want to love a beautiful woman in a tiny apartment.

I want to cuss at my broke down car.

I want to write a good story.

I want to get a sunburn.

I want to take my kid to his first ball game.

I want to hug my baby girl.

I want to die with laughter creased around my eyes and tear stains on my cheeks.

I need to live.